For Irena

I find myself talking to Iren or thinking about something with Iren all the time. Saturday morning I was at the market getting my veggies, and I was saying to myself, Iren would love this place, she would love that place. She would really enjoy going here.. and on and on and on... I really think I am losing it... How can I possibly still be talking like this after so much time? Listen (if anyone is actually listening), I know they say it takes time to get over breakups, but what if I didn't want to break up? I mean.. does that mean I will need more time than anyone, knowing, in the end, I will still feel the same way? My feelings will not change. My wishes and hopes will not change. So, why am I thinking I need to get over this? this is killing me... my inside is eating away.... i need answers... its a nightmare for me every single day Somebody.. anybody... any help to offer??? imuvmi

I'm such a fool... I spend all of my time trying, hoping, praying that Iren will open her heart to me that I lose site to reality.  Yesterday, all I thought about all day was after Heidelberg that I would be driving to novy jicin to spend a little time with her.  Of course, she and I never spoke, never made plans, never even talked of that possibility. So, I sent her a text last night because this made up plan is running out of time to try and establish contact. And, I never heard back. I realize I was forcing myself into this scenario and that it is all made up in my head, but it still is what it is.... A giant mess!!! I have to just move on and forget there being any possibility. She said she wanted to be friends but she doesn't even talk to me. It's clearly over in her mind a million percent and all I am doing is torturing myself by thinking if I believe, hold on, trust, and pray, that she will open her heart...  I just don't feel I can stop hoping I love her no dif...

if Iren just showed up at my apartment one day, wanting to have lunch and a hike? Nothing in the world would be more amazing if I were to be asked. It would be a miracle of proportions I cannot even comprehend... I was thinking a little while ago... as I often spend time reflecting on what all went wrong and how many, so very many mistakes I made over the years building a wall between us... and I know I have said this before, which is I really have always wanted to have a baby with Iren.. but what I really realize now is, she is the only one I want to have a baby with. anyway.... I got out of my apartment today to go to the COOP (only thing open) and of course, my friend was there. She was very busy but she always finds a smile and asked me how Christmas was so I smiled and just said "quiet". imuvmi 

I have these three simple rules I live my life by... I don't steal, cheat, or lie.. but, what is one to do when up against the wall... So.. I didn't exactly lie... I got a txt from Iren today saying something like, Merry Christmas, I hope you are not spending it alone. In return, I said Merry Christmas, please tell the dogs I love and miss them very much.  Am I supposed to be honest and say yes, I am home alone, which is how its been since Saturday and how it will continue until I return to work on January 6th? No, instead I said nothing, which I take to be a lie, but maybe I am wrong about it being considered a lie. I imagine she is enjoying the company of someone and happy. I would not fault her for this of course, as she is clearly living her life. I feel my deterioration is not her problem so I am learning it is better to not involve her in such things. In fact, I am only even writing about it because this is my outlet.  I just hope and pray that one day, she will...

... are certainly easier than others.. Just from yesterday to today I can feel a change in how I feel. I'm more nostalgic and longing to have Iri a part of my life.  I must be crazy I must be broken I must not be able to discern right from wrong I need strength I love and miss you iri ... You mean more to me than anything

An open letter Dear Iren... Time goes by and nothing changes for me. Each minute of every month reminds me of the love I have, had, and will always have for you. I see you in everything I do. So, I just want to take this moment to express it again. I hope you love the Christmas gifts and that these gifts remind you of me. I pray that one day your heart will open up to me again, but in the meantime,I just pray for such a gift,  I also think about having a baby all of the time and how much I would love to raise a child and enjoy sharing my life with him or her. Well. I will close this short note to you now. I love you and never stopped. I have learned so much about living life better and I do hope you will share that with me  Love Dave

I love every day in the possibility every day that Iren and I will get back together. I hope that the time she spends away from me is time that opens her mind to this same possibility. It's this hope and belief that my strength comes from. I know I'm not crazy and I know it's not wrong to hold on to this belief and living in this possibility. Imuvmi

I hope that Iri will find in herself a way to open up to me so we can get together before the end of this year. Even if it's a hike, snowboarding, a walk through town. It's heartbreaking to see how things have gotten but I do believe deep down things can be ok...  I am hiking again today like yesterday and it would be amazing if you, chu, and sashi were with me

... you never give up A quote from Crazy Stupid Love....  I don't need to say anymore imuvmi

I find that my days at work pass much faster than my evenings .. not from the loneliness, though that can contribute, but from missing Iri. Christmas in Basel @ Munsterplatz officially opens today and nothing would be nicer than a walk through the shops with her, maybe finding that perfect ornament as a gift for her aunt and uncle, or maybe her parents. Possibly a small toy for Tina & Dora... I do not feel her close to me from her side at all and that is saddening for me. So, I think it is best if I just come back to writing here more as its really what I have for sure. I do miss you Iren. If inside your mind you can hear my words. Open yourself up and know I am here, waiting, hoping, for just a chance to meet you and see if, from the start we can take a small step towards something more special than either of us ever imagined, hoped, or dreamed of. imuvmi

I have not written here lately because Iren and I had been in brief contact. We came to an agreement which I will explain below. I sometimes wonder if having this blog is a creepy thing or its an ok thing. The last thing I want to do is creep her out or anyone else of course, but I have felt it is a good way for me to express how I am feeling and work through this. My intentions are always good. My hope is always the same. My dreams never waiver... And with that, I know, I cannot change the way things are. I can only hope through who I am, how I am, what I define my life as, and the human being I have become inside and out, are things that open Iren's eyes to my beauty, releases the walls, and she maybe falls in love with me all over again. So, we shared a few text messages and she said in one that she wanted to be in touch with me, but I should not think it means we are getting back together and asked if I could accept this. Initially I said no, but I realize that was only push...

I fell asleep watching elementary... I was dreaming I was living in one room, Iren in another... A man knocked on the door and said there is a complimentary fire on the roof to say sorry for accusing everyone in the building of doing something. I went to the living room to see if Iren would like to go. We had not been talking. She came closer to me, we were between a couch and a wall... It was dark, around  10 pm . A work colleague walked between us and rolled as he passed, we spun. Then, we hugged... It was, the most amazing hug ever, and as each moment passed, we regripped to have a better hold on each other. Everything else got silent and the only noise was that of embracing. The dream ended, I woke, and here I am now to not forget such a moment.  Never have I felt so close to her.... imuvvvvvvvvvvvmi

Iri I'm not sure if you read these, or even glance in this direction. So,mi am sending this note to you and hoping it comes to you in a dream. I've tried sprouting a few times but I cannot get anything to grow. I'd really like to start adding sprouts to my green drinks in the morning but they are really expensive and don't last long .. So, I'd be extremely happy if you would come and teach me what to buy and how to grow the sprouts... I miss you Iri... These kinds of things only a few women of the world possess as a quality along with all the others you have...  I love you as much as I miss you

so, today i got to wear a sweater iren bought for me last year. I never fit into it before but today I thought I would give it a try and sure enough, it fit nicely... now, the funny part is I had it on inside out for half of the morning until I noticed when I was in the bathroom at work... imuvmi&iluvm2

iren bought me some socks last year and I kept one pair unused since she left and I keep them in the drawer and get to see them every day ... :) not a great picture as it was dark and early.. but, they are the ones with the tag on them thank you for these lovely socks Iri imuvmi

Dear Iri.... Here are some more pictures I took on the trip. I also sent you a couple via text but I do not know if you ever received them.... Hope you like these and see some familiar sights imuvmi!

Here are some pictures of me from the US trip... imuvmi

I am home now, not quite a day so far. Reality is settling in a bit and its not good. I am looking out the window and I see the little rock formations Iren made have fallen over. I want to fix them, but I do not know how to make them just as she had them. Also, me fixing them is not her touch... so I have to just leave them I think I really cannot snap out of this state of mind. I don't feel like it is just being depressed, or just in a slump. I really feel like I have lost a part of me that is vital to my health and well being. Every single aspect of my daily routines bring me thoughts of how much I wish to be sharing them with Iren. Please open up Iri... you are the sun that warms my days. I love you & I miss you very much imuvmi

it seems there is no end in sight for me with this breakdown with Iren... she doesn't even try an ounce. she won't communicate, open up, or even allow me to try to get her to open up. i suppose she is dating another guy and could simply care less... i feel its wrong, but, nothing i can do at least I have this imuvmi

its so obvious that she doesn't see me as I her nor trust that things would be great... i long for her to be back in my life but she doesn't even consider making an effort... so .. I know that ignoring me is her way of telling me to leave her alone, get on with my life, and just forget it... its such a crime and a shame.. and i am not removing myself from the thoughts of possibility.. my best friend and i were talking as he was leaving to go home Sunday night and he said, "I hope iren comes back to you, you deserve to be happy" to which I responded, "she has to, she is whom im meant to be with for the rest of my days" just for the record, she can continue to ignore me, and think whatever she wishes, that is her right.. but it doesn't mean i am not going to continue to believe in us, hope, and pray for us... and continue to live in the space where we two are one.. i love her more than anything in the world imuvmi

No, not the old tv show, but me... I don't understand how Iri cannot see what I see and feel what I feel... I miss her, I need her, I love her... All so very much...  I feel there is nothing I can do and my heart aches and hurts more every day

Another night, another dream... I just woke up from another night of dreaming about Iren. It's getting to the point where every single night she is in my dreams and every single night I wake, reminded of how much she means to me. For the last two days I've been at my parents and all I see around me are signs of her. I wish she was here with me. I know she likes being on the farm and away from the city.  imuvmi

Today I made a dal. Well, I put a lot of a curry spice in it (the whole jar) and it's really disgusting. First, the curry spice is not one I've ever used and two, I've no reason why I used so much. It's a shame to say the least. I'm eating it, but under massive inner protest :) But, you would be proud of me Iri for cooking at my parents like you used to do. I'm still sensitive to cleanliness but I just put it all aside for the sake of my health and I'm not letting it bother me.. See, I do have inner growth :) ImuvvvvvvvvvvvvvmI

While driving down to my parents house from the airport I thought about many things but I also came up with an analogy... Ok, it's kinda an odd one but still makes sense Remember how for years I could not poop properly? I was bound up and needed large quantities of supplements and even then, it didn't work well.  That is analogous to my life I believe. And that is what I keep trying to explain to Iren, minus the poo part. I had been in a terrible state for a very long time and I was extremely lazy about looking at the causes.  Now, I feel that I see life so differently and understand the simpler things which makes the harder things easier. Now, I don't need any supplements at all to go to the bathroom, it's all working normally. Just thought I'd share that. It's 2:30 am so it may not make perfect sense Imuvmi

I woke a couple of hours ago from another typical dream. This one I have vague memories of outside of that one moment... I was somewhere and all of a sudden Iren was there as well... She relented and we hugged and the energy and power of that hug was amazing. It felt so good for both of us and in that moment we realized we are meant to be as one... I woke from that dream like most and I felt so close to her.. I did not let the reality get in my thoughts so I could enjoy it just a little bit longer I'd be happy for a million more moments like that in my life...  imuvmi

I know since moving here I have learned a lot and really changed. I don't see things as I used to and understand what the more important things in life are, versus continuing to live in a mess. I am not who I used to be for sure. Now, of course we cannot change everything about ourselves, and sometimes we try to mask what we think we changed. But, inherently I feel things are much different for me. My perspectives, my respect, my perspective, my humanity, and more... Why do I say this? Well, with all of the love I have for Iren, the love that I am certain is not going away, and believing in how good we could be together now because I don't have those things she resented in me, from time to time I email her to try and get her to open up to the possibility. I live in this possibility. I make no apologies for it. I do not feel it is wrong to feel as I do, nor do I have any regrets about trying. My only regrets are around the amount of time it took me to grow... The last email...

I love you and miss you very, very much Iri imuvm&ilue

I see someone is selling a picnic bench and chairs... I thought about this and thought about you... First, the garden space could use a nice small dinner table for outside eating, and I also thought, buying something use is so much better for the planet as something new isn't created instead.... and then I thought, how much you like to think about the latter and how great that would be... the garden space doesn't know you.. but I am certain it misses you very much... it needs your love, tenderness and care.. you know I am terrible at gardening..... imuvmi&iluwamh

i am wondering and a bit worried that Iren will not get the Frida bag I sent to her. I know the postage was wrong, it is impossible that they got it right. But.. what has happened to the package? Where could it be right now? I wonder if I should go to the store where I shipped it and ask. But, they speak no English and we will be stopped fast :(  Also, I do not know where the receipt is.. It will hurt my feelings deeply if the package gets lost. I would wish and hope that they would send it back to me, maybe with a bill for postage due or something, but not just leave it sit forever. That bag is an emblem of our time in Mexico and its really important for me that she can hold it in her arms like she has in the past so many times... Please make the journey to Iri Frida!!! imuvmi!!

just thinking about iri ... I wonder, how teaching is coming along for her. I know she loves to teach and is honestly one of the best teachers on the planet, and I am not just saying that to be persuasive :) I watched how she would plan for school in New York, how serious she took her role, and how humbled she was always in her role. Simply and utterly amazing!! i wish that one day, we can sort all of this terrible mess out, return to the love, find any missing joy, and create a family so I can watch her teach a baby from day one until I am 110 years old. Nothing in this world would mean more to me than to experience her as a mother, there is no question she would be amazing..!! imuvmi!!!

I was just looking at some pictures on the network as I copy files and I came across this photo... I miss you so much Iren... and when I see this picture I am reminded of how I took advantage of your presence and never allowed myself to be open to you.. the love and empathy you have inside and the woman you are, are so very special.... I am so sorry for all of my mistakes, so VERY sorry!!! I remember this day like it was yesterday... imuvmi

Its plus one day and minus one hour later than yesterday... Huh? Everything happened an hour earlier and Sunday I spent the day living an hour later than it really was as the time change for day lights savings never sunk in...  Now.. I return to sleep.. But never does a moment pass where I do not believe, feel, or long to share the possibility of being with Iren again... The best part, daylight savings gave me another hour of her beautiful memories Imuvmi

iri... I realize you cannot hear me, and because you do not see this blog, you don't realize I am writing to you, or about you. Today, i feel frozen inside. I cannot move without you. you are a part of me that cannot be released and without you, I am superman in a pool of kryptonite . Really.. its getting to be where I do not think of anything without you included.. you have to open up. You have to give me a chance. You MUST believe it is possible... I need you in my life Iri.. i love you imuvmi

on my bike ride home from work today.. I really needed a hug and to hold Iren .. I didn't have a great day and I am missing her so much... so, I keep saying to myself, "please be inside the door with the doggies when I get home. PLEASE!!" I park my bike, come up the elevator, and continue, "please be home, please be home....." FU*K!!! Nope, she is not here... Please open up to me Iri.. I miss you so much its really almost not healthy.  I love you!! imuvmi

as usual, I like to spend far too much time reading far too much into things and thinking things that more than likely do not exist... I did not write here the past days so much because I also spend my time emailing Iren or sending her text messages...  Sometimes I will just wish her a lovely day, or an an email, maybe I will send her a picture from the balcony or something, like the sunset on comes the crazy talk so, as I have been thinking about it, I imagine if she really wanted me to never talk to her again, or she really didn't have any feelings for me at all, she would just be cold and tell me to leave her alone. right?!?!?!?! but, she doesn't. for instance, yesterday I sent her a text and just wished her a lovely day and to kiss the doggies for me.. she wished me a nice day as well and said she would kiss them. the rational me says, of course she would be nice and reply because she is not rude. The fact that she never replies to the emails is her indication that ...

I do not remember all of the details, but I remember having going to see Iren (she seemed to live close) a few times and she was alone with the doggies, though I think she lived with a man... I wanted to see her and the "kids" (sashi & chu) and it turned out some guy was with her... then, Sarah and Miles came out and she morphed into Sarah and Miles' mom, and I was asking her if Sarah was living there or not while I was holding her in my arms.. She would not answer and her hair was dyed blue (her being Sarah's mom). I then left as I didn't feel I belonged there and it seemed to morph back into it being Iren... then three men followed me from her home. I only then remember them punching and kicking me in the head and going unconscious... i woke... reflected on it.. and started to cry

I had a very short, but amazing dream last night... I was in and out of sleep as usual. I was also curled up on Iren's side of the bed hugging a pillow... But, I dreamed she came back to me. Now, I have said many times how much this would mean to me, but I remember being so unbelievably happy that it was euphoric to say the least... I honestly, and sincerely do not ever remember having a happier feeling... it was really a special moment... Judy: (to Jack) All I want for Christmas is you. Dave: (to Irena)  All I want forever... is you. and a nice video by Kina Grannis

because I care... yesterday, out of nowhere, a bag Iren bought when we went to Mexico, just appeared in my office tucked in between two dressers. I have no seen that bag in years and all of a sudden, it was staring at me... so, i decided to wrap it up and send it to Iren... and in doing so, I decided to make her a care package. i took ten envelopes, and printed 10 pictures of different memories, and put them inside, along with a small cute quote. after I sealed each envelop I then found a quote that I really liked and pasted it to the front of each envelope. I wrapped all of this in a letter telling her about the bag like I did here and suggesting to her that one envelope a day may be more than enough if she so wishes... Here are those inside notes... I think they are enough to give you an idea of whats on my mind

i have plenty of regrets which cannot be erased, but i will not ever regret reminding you how much you mean to me... i don't regret saying things like... life without you is an exercise in existence a day without you is a 24 hour window of emptiness a moment without you, is a crime never worth repeating... i know deep down you had to shut off your feelings because you were hurt. i do understand iren. i had so many things wrong that I cannot begin to explain them even to myself... hence my regrets... but, i do not stop trying, believing, or holding on because i know deep down if you will unlock your soul and open up... there will be no regret for either of us, ever again...  i could say things like, you're all i have, but that isn't true. or, i do need you to exist, but that isn't true either. when i say though, i am dying without you, its not even possible for me to hide the idea that my heart and soul deteriorate a little bit every day we are apar...

I know ths is nonsense and sounds utterly ridiculous but I moved to your side of the bed. In all of my adult life, I've never slept on the left side of the bed except maybe when visiting someone's house or something.  Now, I feel like a puppy dog who misses his owner and in some odd way it makes me feel a bit closer to you... I miss you so much Iren, it's really hard for me to explain.  Tonight I had dinner with my friend Marco at his fathers restaurant. His entire family was there and all I could think is how much you would have enjoyed the experience...  Imuvmi

1. You have an extraordinary way of communicating with children. They attract to you be ause of the soul and heart within you.  2. That when you cook, you like to wear aprons. You've even made a beautiful one. You loo so amazingly cute in them. 3. That you love mystery TV. I never really said how much I enjoyed knowing you liked Miss Marples and more, but, it's great how you get totally involved in them and you can usually solve the mystery before it's revealed. 4. You make amazingly tasty desserts. So many times we would have super tasty treats on the table. I love your cooking so much. 5. That you know so much about healthy living. I was always defensive because I thought you were telling me what to do, but the reality is you were teaching me how to better care for myself, 6. That no matter how inconvenienced you can be at times, you never ever complain. Like the lady on the bus who threatened you the day you bumped into her while having to stand on your way to work. 7. Y...

I need not say anymore... imuvmi

Today turns a new leaf.. yesterday I did not hear from Iren, so today, I start over. This, actually is what I do every day.  Why not? This morning, I could not sleep and have been up since 3:30 AM. During this time I did some reflecting and really concluded the same thing I have all along, that she owns my heart.  I also thought about how things were for us over the recent years and how things were when we moved here. Iren, Iri, Irena Kubinova, if you can hear anything, please hear this... I REALLY had it screwed up.  Taking what I did in the US and applying it, arrogantly in Switzerland was not even a band aid. I am so sorry I could not have seen this sooner and its taken me all of this time to see it now. Please.. just dig deep and try to be open to me. You will be surprised pleasantly, and I am certain, in time, berry, berry thankful. You really mean the world to me and everything about you means everything to me.  Today I am wearing those socks you darned ...

i moved to the other side of the bed where she slept. it makes me feel closer to her in some weird way. If you ever see one of those pictures that circulates on the web about a dog who sleeps where his owner used to be or something like that, then you can maybe understand how I feel... i just cannot lose my connection imuvmi

Since the season is over for the fruits and veggies, I have not been going to the garden nearly as much. Frankly, there isn't a lot of work to do other than cutting the grass, which I did this evening. And, more to the point, not sharing it with Iren is quite a lonely feeling. So, tonight I cut the grass and was looking around. The roses really came up nicely and I think next year they will look even more amazing. I think I may build some sort of trellis for them as they will go crazy all over the place otherwise. But, what I was really thinking about is how much I wish Iren was sharing the space with me. I would love for her to start planning out the flowers for the spring. Also, maybe we could eat there sometimes by cooking out (which I have not done once). Also, we could even start talking about the things to plant for the next season. I wish so much I was sharing the garden with her. imuvmi  

ok, I seem a bit obsessed with getting the right picture of the fondue pot... well, today I got it... and yep, as I suspected, this one , nor this one , were the right ones..... but, these were the right ones for sure... She wrote me a note saying thank you. It wasn't a note where I got goose bumps with hope, but, that is only me hoping she is coming around. I was happy to give this to her and I do wonder if she likes the photos I included as she didn't mention them. I suppose she does :) Anyway... I miss her so very much and wish for her heart to open up. I do not know what else I can do other than hope, pray, and love her unconditionally, and endlessly. imuvmi

its about a 10% change it will go well I must admit, I am a bit nervous about Iren getting the fondue pot I bought for her... I really want her to love it and be happy, but I know her frame of mind is "leave me alone and get a life without me" so this will probably annoy her. my fingers are crossed for a different reaction.. and that is that... I did send her a brief email today to show her two photos I took yesterday from the balcony. It was really amazing to see the sunset and the rainbow.. but, to be honest, this happens all the time. I think my apartment is in the perfect location... :) I really want to try and work on not bothering her so much.. sadly, I know deep down it is what she wants. Also, just as sad, it will not bring her any closer to me... In case it isn't clear, I know the writing is on the wall, and probably etched in stone. But, I love her with all of my heart, and despite the odds, despite the distance, and despite the circumstances....

well... today I decided to start my day wearing one of my favorite pair of socks... I am telling you.. it REALLY is the little things in life that make me smile the most...  These socks I suppose I have had for a long time, but, I have a problem.. I used to joke with Iri all the time that her toes were like lollipops but in truth, it may be mind as I always poke holes in my socks with my toes well, one of the great things she used to do for me all the time is darn my socks. I don't think she followed the strict darning process, but in general, she did.. and, I might add, did a great job too.  Darn, I miss her so much... I really wish she would open back up to me... she really means the world to me! imuvmi

I know it's my imagination and I know I'm reading into something that doesn't exist... But, tonight I sent Iren a text and simply said.. "Mondays are official 'open your kind days'... Happy Monday Iri.. Please kiss the doggies for me. She replied with "ok, I will" ... Usually she doesn't respond at all.. So.. I'll have my moment of happiness with over reading this, thank you very much.. Btw,earlier I mentioned buying her the fondue pot.. I took a pic of one in migros today but now I'm not so sure it's the same one... I need to get to the other migros I think... But here is the pic

Just lost in thought right now and thinking about how much I love you.. how much I miss you.. and how much I need you... "need" ... it's a funny word .. one can say, do we really need this or that in our lives? A new car, do I need it? Probably not. A bigger apartment, do I really need that? Nope... Love, in general, do I need it? No. my point is we can survive without most needs, but what is an existence without companionship, love, adoration, support, a best friend, and someone to share all the good and bad with? my answer is its an empty, unfulfilled life. I am sad today.. because in all of my life I never knew anyone like Iren, and in 7.5 years I managed to push her away somehow, and all that while, still knowing inside how much I love her, how much I miss her, and how much I need her to exist.. really exist. I miss you Iren.. please open up to me imuvmi

Most people say that when love is lost, that moving on is really the only way to heal a broken heart. "The most important things, are the hardest to say"... From The Body by Stephen king I love Iren and I am certain in my heart that my staying open to her is not a bad way to be stuck... She is the most amazing woman I've ever had the pleasure of putting my eyes on, and heart given to... Every day that passes, I think of different ways to love you Every hour that passes, I hope its one hour closer to you Every minute that ends, I reflect on my thoughts of you, and Every moment of my life, is a moment I long to spend with you Iri, you are the cats meow the wagging tail of a dog, the moo from a cow and the quack of a duck you are the I Ching that by which I am defined So, I end this with the idea that one of the most important things, is actually, very easy for me to say... I love you.. every single day, and I miss you equally... open your heart. in ...

I am planning a hike for tomorrow and really wish, chu, and sashi were coming with me. It's in a new place and should take 3-4 hours... If the sky is clear the views should be amazing too... I remember how much they love hiking as well as you. I did some cooking today too. I made a three bean chili, about three liters in total.. Should last me a few days and it's really yummy... Look what I made for lunch. It's a raw food soup... Wow was it good, but too much for one meal so I put the rest in the chili... Here is a picture below...  I really miss you a lot Iren... You are everything to me and my heart aches knowing we are not together.... imuvmi

Fondue, thats who!!! I bought Iren a fondue cooking pot at Migros. I did not think to take a picture of it until now, but it looks something like this one. The problem I face all of the time is she surrounds me in everything I do. When I am food shopping, I think all of the time about how great it would be if she could see this or that in the store. Try a new food, or something else. I was looking for a thermometer to help me with cooking a raw food meal I have the ingredients for and this fondue pot was there. I knew instantly it would be something she would like, but I walked away. I came back to it again... and walked away again. All the while I am thinking, I really should not buy this for her. Money is tight for me right now and, she will only get mad anyway. So, I turned to walk away and realized, no matter what, I know she will love it very much and if she will not be willing to enjoy it with me, she can certainly enjoy it with her mom & dad (two people I miss and ...