I know since moving here I have learned a lot and really changed. I don't see things as I used to and understand what the more important things in life are, versus continuing to live in a mess. I am not who I used to be for sure.
Now, of course we cannot change everything about ourselves, and sometimes we try to mask what we think we changed. But, inherently I feel things are much different for me. My perspectives, my respect, my perspective, my humanity, and more...
Why do I say this? Well, with all of the love I have for Iren, the love that I am certain is not going away, and believing in how good we could be together now because I don't have those things she resented in me, from time to time I email her to try and get her to open up to the possibility. I live in this possibility. I make no apologies for it. I do not feel it is wrong to feel as I do, nor do I have any regrets about trying. My only regrets are around the amount of time it took me to grow...
The last email exchange with Iren, about a week ago, she said this:
We have many years together, and because I was not able to see the problems and deal with them properly, does not mean we are not good for each other. She is (you are) the true love of my life. Everything I have wanted and so much more.
Open the door... don't be afraid. Don't think its returning to the stress because I am certain it isn't. Just allow yourself the opportunity to see that things will not be in the past, but building on the future....
imuvm&ilui
Now, of course we cannot change everything about ourselves, and sometimes we try to mask what we think we changed. But, inherently I feel things are much different for me. My perspectives, my respect, my perspective, my humanity, and more...
Why do I say this? Well, with all of the love I have for Iren, the love that I am certain is not going away, and believing in how good we could be together now because I don't have those things she resented in me, from time to time I email her to try and get her to open up to the possibility. I live in this possibility. I make no apologies for it. I do not feel it is wrong to feel as I do, nor do I have any regrets about trying. My only regrets are around the amount of time it took me to grow...
The last email exchange with Iren, about a week ago, she said this:
"Everybody has problems, but I think we both need new problems with new people"When I read this I am sad, mad, and I sometimes shake my head. From one point of view, yes, problems come in all walks of life and no matter how great things are, there will be always problems, that I get. But, then I read this (in the context of the rest of the email which I am not putting in here) and think its not right to say because I know that a simple opening of the door would reveal something she has not seen before.
We have many years together, and because I was not able to see the problems and deal with them properly, does not mean we are not good for each other. She is (you are) the true love of my life. Everything I have wanted and so much more.
Open the door... don't be afraid. Don't think its returning to the stress because I am certain it isn't. Just allow yourself the opportunity to see that things will not be in the past, but building on the future....
imuvm&ilui
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