For Irena

Dear Iren I hope you are well... its been a long time and that same time passes very fast I think... I know you have moved on with your life and may not even remember how to spell my name.. but, you are still a part of my life for sure in so many ways... I have learned to stop saying "I wish" this or that in regards to you.. but I never stop living in the space of being open. You are, and its very clear to me now more than ever, a very special woman and I always felt it from the first weeks we spent hours talking on the phone. I just want to wish you a beautiful holiday season.. I miss you, always Love Dave

Dear Irena, I try not to write to you so much here anymore, its honestly still very hurtful for me. But, it doesn't mean you are far from my thoughts. I always think about time being a great healer, but I think when sometimes a piece of ones heart is gone, that piece just cannot grow back. I sent you an email some months back asking how you and the dogs are but you never replied. I suppose that was a subtle way of you telling me to not bother you again. So, I am afraid to write you more. There is a woman here in Basel who I am going to do some work with in regards to starting a food business. Anyway, she had a miscarriage last week. It took me back to the time when you were pregnant the first time and you bought the pregnant pants. I will tell you Iren, its like yesterday for me, and it makes me just as sad now as it did then when you lost the baby. I keep learning every day about myself and new ways of being to better myself and my life. To live a better life, more loving, ...

Dear Iren I just woke up from a bad dream about you... It seems I was swimming in the same lagoon I swam in two weeks ago with my friends but now it was you I was swimming near along with a man you were with, obviously not me. I could feel the hurt and pain and even when I woke up I felt it... It's never ending... Please tell me why, please. Why did you say that I was ugly and you only stayed with me because you felt sorry for me? It's haunting me every single day and I'm so stuck from it. I question why anyone even can stand the sight of me in public some days.... I am really stuck ... I still miss you a lot and I'm quite unhappy that it's not you and I laughing and spending out lives together... I don't know when or if this will ever end nor why the hold on me is so deep. There is a woman who is friends with my parents.  Her husband left her maybe 20 years ago and she never again went with another man and will live the rest of her life alone. Th...

i hope you are smiling Irena... 

Dear Iren It has been 1,116 days since our divorce............... Of course, like most of the reasons I write to you, its because I miss you. Tonight, I just finished watching a movie and it reminded me of so many things, which only followed me finding an old video clip of you and I arguing. So... tonight you get the I am sorry list I am sorry I failed to give you what you deserved. My love was endless, but my actions were selfish. I am sorry for not being able to understand you, and understand what it is that you meant when you said some of the things you said.  I am sorry that when we fought, I didn't listen to you, instead I spent all the time trying to prove just how right I was and wrong you were I am sorry I never worked at taking care of myself. Not for you, but for me. The result would have been my understanding more about myself. This, would have benefited you. and tonight Iren, I am endlessly sorry I cannot stop loving you, and forgetting you. I look at the o...

It's been 1086 days since our divorce was finalized and it has changed nothing for me I have dated so many women and it's become a sickness as each one I hope will replace the emptiness in my heart but it doesn't work. I end up hurting them and starting again. I just don't understand why I still feel this way and you feel nothing. I'm not angry of course but my heart seems to have an unrepairable hole Happy New Year Iri