For Irena

One of the things I have never come to understand is how people leave me, seemingly always. Miles is now back in the US. When I took him to the airport, I was fine until I hugged him goodbye. I started crying so much that I could not speak and just waved him off. He said, "it's ok dad"... which, of course it was ok, I just love him so much and miss him endlessly... This is the same feeling I have about Iren.. but the difference is I cannot even give her that hug so she feels my love. I want to see her so much and I want to really be given the chance to undo the train wreck in her mind of how things got to where they are... I know, I know, I KNOW.. if she opened up to me, she would see what she has never seen before and she would again find that love and happiness she so desires and deserves... imuVMi

While in Spain, I bought Iren a gift. It is a butterfly wind chime. It is beautiful, not too big, and has a beautiful sound to it. I sent it to her, but, that was the end of it. I got no reply, no feedback, not even a "please don't send me gifts" message... When I am out and see things, I think how much I would like to buy them for her. I suppose I know deep down she will never wish to come back to me.. and I suppose in order to get past the pain I will have to accept it at some point. I honestly just do not know how this is at all possible. really.... They say time heals all wounds.. but as time passes I find this particular wound only deepens as it is a reminder of how amazing she is, and how much I messed up our marriage. ps -  I forgot, but should have mentioned... Just after I sent the gift but before she got it, something happened between us in email and I told her to not worry about opening the box if that was how she felt. So, it's my fault I never hear...

I am taking Miles to Spain and wow do I wish you were also coming with us... He doesn't know yet, but will by the time we get on the plane :) I have never been to Spain and I do not recall you ever going there either. It seems to me such an easy solution that we would experience it together... The food, the culture, the environment.. Please read my mind, come to Switzerland, and join us in Spain.. imuvmi