For Irena

When things were not going well at all after she left... and I felt her slipping away, I thought, maybe I can use my creativity to help her see how much she means to me.. no, it did not work, but, here is a short video I made for her... for ... from Sashimiso on Vimeo . Song: Stay By: Rihanna (featuring Mikky Ekko) All along it was a fever A cold sweat hot-headed believer I threw my hands in the air, said, "Show me something," He said, "If you dare come a little closer." Round and around and around and around we go Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know. Not really sure how to feel about it. Something in the way you move Makes me feel like I can't live without you. It takes me all the way. I want you to stay It's not much of a life you're living It's not just something you take – it's given Round and around and around and around we go Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, t...

I say NO!!! Iren did so many wonderful things when here, and each one of them meant the world to me, and yes, some were very small.. but, I love the little things in life... Here are some examples, I took pictures of them, as they are exactly as they have been since she left. imuvmi The last thing Irena ironed for me was this handkerchief. I stored it in my drawer behind the tshirts I wear and it has not moved literally since the day she left. So, I see this all the time, and it instantly takes me back to watching her iron.. I miss that! Atop the bookshelf are some things that she set up, here it shows a picture my daughter painted when she was tiny, the tin can that held my sewing material (it was my grandmothers), in the back middle a wreath that my daughter made for me many years ago, to the left of that, a small wooden sailboat my ex father-in-law made for my son Miles.. and in the front left, a car that Irena's brother gave to me one year for Christmas... I du...

iren is dating a man. she likes him and wants to see where it will go. its very strange for me to even imagine her looking at another man, not to mention anything else.... g-d this is a nightmare for me.. it really is absolutely the worst thing in the world.. i love her and miss her so very much and cannot imagine a day when it is no longer she and i as one... please open up to me iri.. you are the shine in my sun that lifts even my darkest of clouds imuvmi

A long time ago I had the chance to teach Iren how to drive, but I screwed it up. So, I thought I would write a few notes for her on the basics and wish that one day it becomes a cheat sheet for lessons I give to her... Learning how to use stick. I think it is really important to learn how to use stick. Once one learns this, using an automatic will be, automatic. Lets break it down... Part I: Learning the pedals and how to use them the pedals from left to right are the clutch (this is used to help with changing geers), the brake pedal is in the middle, and the gas pedal on the right. How to put the car in gear... First, push the clutch to the floor and hold it there with your left foot. Second, put the right foot on the brake. Third, using your right hand, adjust the gear shift so that it goes into first gear. How to take off When you are ready to take off you should first move your right foot from the brake to the gas pedal. It is important to be relaxed at this time. Ano...

Today I took a car ride to Dietikon to go shopping. She and I went to the COOP there once, and I have been there many times since. On the drive I reflected on how much I enjoyed her company along the way, though it was not openly apparent. It is the little things like this that really mean the most (to me)... when we were together, each moment felt like I won the lottery, and never could I have been happier, even when the times were not so happy. I bought some spices, and other things for my vegan ways. I also bought some polenta (funny, this shows up as a misspelled word in Chrome, and when I write mouse on it, the replacement is "tadpole"). I never had polenta before but was thinking it might be good as a binding agent in the veggie burgers I have been making (see here  veggie burgers & green smoothie ).  I wish I were sharing this with her. imuvmi