For Irena

some days I feel so sick inside because of this terrible tragedy. I do not know what I can or will do, but in time I pray this gets better.. and at the same time, I pray it opens Irena's mind to seeing possibility in me again. i do not know what she is thinking or how she feels outside of knowing she doesn't want me in her life... this just makes me so sick and sad inside.. for me, it was, is, and always will be just the opposite... she really means everything in the world to me... as each day passes I feel sicker and sicker... when someone asks me to go on a date, i tell them always the same thing... "I miss my wife" .. and... "all i want is for her to come back" ugh!! imuvmi

i saw these beautiful flowers in the store and all I could think of was bring some home for you.. but, you are not there... its just so saddening to me...  when I see the natural beauty in a flower I think of you always and instantly because your inner beauty is the same as your outer beauty. to me, you really honestly are the most amazing woman in the world.. and I miss you every moment of every day and wish for you to come home to me.. even just some... i will work this any way that makes sense.. you want to live there .. ok.. i relent, really, having part of you is better than none of you imuvmi

that I miss you Irena Kubinova... You mean everything to me and I was a fool to not do more, better, sooner... I have and continue to learn so much about the wrong ways I have led my life and beg for a chance to show you they can be much better.. i love you imuvmi

Well, I cannot seem to get her off of my mind. I have tried so many things, and so many ways but to no avail. So, I figured I would use this blog to write to her, maybe for her, and my thoughts in general about her. seems a bit silly I suppose... maybe one (or many) could even say this is pointless, but, until I can either have her back in my life, or, I can move on, I think this is what I have to do. The advice I get all the time is "forget her", "move on", "its over", and more.. but.. I do not understand why I should have to forget or give up hope for us being together again when I know, there is not going to be anyone better in the world? I say.. nonsense!! imuvmi