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I'm still ugly

Dear Iren

I just woke up from a bad dream about you... It seems I was swimming in the same lagoon I swam in two weeks ago with my friends but now it was you I was swimming near along with a man you were with, obviously not me. I could feel the hurt and pain and even when I woke up I felt it... It's never ending... Please tell me why, please.

Why did you say that I was ugly and you only stayed with me because you felt sorry for me? It's haunting me every single day and I'm so stuck from it. I question why anyone even can stand the sight of me in public some days....

I am really stuck ... I still miss you a lot and I'm quite unhappy that it's not you and I laughing and spending out lives together... I don't know when or if this will ever end nor why the hold on me is so deep. There is a woman who is friends with my parents.  Her husband left her maybe 20 years ago and she never again went with another man and will live the rest of her life alone. This is out of heartbreak. I don't want the same fate for me but it seems to manifest endlessly

imu
l. me

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