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a new day

I have not written here lately because Iren and I had been in brief contact. We came to an agreement which I will explain below. I sometimes wonder if having this blog is a creepy thing or its an ok thing. The last thing I want to do is creep her out or anyone else of course, but I have felt it is a good way for me to express how I am feeling and work through this. My intentions are always good. My hope is always the same. My dreams never waiver... And with that, I know, I cannot change the way things are. I can only hope through who I am, how I am, what I define my life as, and the human being I have become inside and out, are things that open Iren's eyes to my beauty, releases the walls, and she maybe falls in love with me all over again.

So, we shared a few text messages and she said in one that she wanted to be in touch with me, but I should not think it means we are getting back together and asked if I could accept this. Initially I said no, but I realize that was only pushing her further away and making things more stressful for her. BIG MISTAKE!! So, I took a deep breath and told her I could accept it, but in return I only ask she understands that I live in the possibility.

She agreed and accepted.

Since then, I wrote her a couple of emails and only heard back briefly. I am not making it mean anything nor am I stressed about it. I just need to keep open about the possibility. I stand by how much she means to me and how much I love her and never stopped. But, I also know that I cannot make her love me, nor can I force her to not do what she doesn't want.

Truth: I feel its never coming back. I do not feel she will ever allow herself to open up to me again. And.. I will spend my days just remembering all of the moments that led me to be so deeply in love with her.

But.. I will not give up nor will I stop believing because deep down, I feel in my heart this is really a great opportunity for both of us.

In the meantime, I bought her and her parents a Christmas gift. But, I have not mentioned this or plan on mentioning it to her. I don't want her to feel any stress from that. I love her family very much and they are never far from my thoughts. So...........

I just hope and pray that time returns an opportunity versions separates us further.

imuvmi - always

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