Skip to main content

I did it again

I'm such a fool... I spend all of my time trying, hoping, praying that Iren will open her heart to me that I lose site to reality. 

Yesterday, all I thought about all day was after Heidelberg that I would be driving to novy jicin to spend a little time with her.  Of course, she and I never spoke, never made plans, never even talked of that possibility.

So, I sent her a text last night because this made up plan is running out of time to try and establish contact. And, I never heard back. I realize I was forcing myself into this scenario and that it is all made up in my head, but it still is what it is.... A giant mess!!!

I have to just move on and forget there being any possibility. She said she wanted to be friends but she doesn't even talk to me. It's clearly over in her mind a million percent and all I am doing is torturing myself by thinking if I believe, hold on, trust, and pray, that she will open her heart... 

I just don't feel I can stop hoping I love her no differently than I have for so many years, and I still feel in my heart we really are meant to be together and that without her my puzzle is missing that key center piece to be complete.

.... :(

imuvmi 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hi

Dear Irena, I try not to write to you so much here anymore, its honestly still very hurtful for me. But, it doesn't mean you are far from my thoughts. I always think about time being a great healer, but I think when sometimes a piece of ones heart is gone, that piece just cannot grow back. I sent you an email some months back asking how you and the dogs are but you never replied. I suppose that was a subtle way of you telling me to not bother you again. So, I am afraid to write you more. There is a woman here in Basel who I am going to do some work with in regards to starting a food business. Anyway, she had a miscarriage last week. It took me back to the time when you were pregnant the first time and you bought the pregnant pants. I will tell you Iren, its like yesterday for me, and it makes me just as sad now as it did then when you lost the baby. I keep learning every day about myself and new ways of being to better myself and my life. To live a better life, more loving, ...
Post a Comment
Read more
Dear Iren I hope you are well... its been a long time and that same time passes very fast I think... I know you have moved on with your life and may not even remember how to spell my name.. but, you are still a part of my life for sure in so many ways... I have learned to stop saying "I wish" this or that in regards to you.. but I never stop living in the space of being open. You are, and its very clear to me now more than ever, a very special woman and I always felt it from the first weeks we spent hours talking on the phone. I just want to wish you a beautiful holiday season.. I miss you, always Love Dave
Post a Comment
Read more

HI

Dear Iren I hope you are having a nice day.... really, I do... This week, it has been a whirlwind of emotions for me. When you told me last sunday that you got married, I felt like someone took the feet out from under me, and then stepped on top of me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think straight, and I just couldn't imagine how this could even be real. But... it is... When we wrote back and forth those many emails, it felt amazing because we were communicating, and at the same time, it hurt more than ever. The way we talked, were open, honest, and genuine, it really meant the world to me. Really!! The sad part was, I kept checking my phone, looking at my messages to see if I would hear from you again. And when they didn't come I was sad and when they did, I was worried that you were going to just tell me to get lost.   I am very proud of my being a lot stronger now though. I know that all of the changes I have made in my life are what have led me to this pl...
Post a Comment
Read more