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well...

that isn't working...

i swear, i am trying, very, very hard. i started dating someone and that lasted about 6 or so weeks, maybe longer, but, all it did was make me miss you and in the process push her away...

for a few nights this week i have had the same recurring dream, you leaving me, and telling me about another man and with that look of who gives a crap if it hurts you to hear it

i really have spent so much time working on me, and building a better, stronger, nicer, more compassionate me.. and i feel I have done very well.. and then, i weaken at the knees, or sob at the thought of you not being my best friend for the rest of my life...

I see your eyes in how you loved the dogs, or loved to bake and i just wish it would return, here, with me...

sadly, i know you won't come back, and sadly, i know that all my thoughts, positive energy, and wishes, cannot change anything. I tried so hard on your birthday and you gave me a hard time for surprising you, which I didn't even do. I probably said this before, but I suspect you met someone and are happy and was giving me an f-u of sorts... i suppose I understand

but I am still not able to shake you... I don't apologize for it.. i just accept it as it is because I now know, I cannot change it

imuvmi
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